I cried while driving on my way to work Monday morning. I felt bad for raising my voice on my eldest son. He asked a few days ago that he needed a fern plant for school. I assumed it was just a leaf for a science experiment and that his father would ask his friends who had gardens.
Monday morning as we were leaving, my son mentioned the fern again. It was due that day. I ended up speeding angrily away when I reminded my son's father about the fern and it was obvious that he didn't remember it either.
I scolded my son in the car for not reminding us earlier and not clearly explaining what he wanted the fern for. He quietly said he did and didn't say anymore. I saw his nose slightly turn red and I knew he was fighting back his tears. He pretended cleaning his glasses and I felt so bad then but didn't say anything. Maybe I should have said sorry but I was fighting back my tears too.
After dropping him off at school, I cried all the way to work. Well, there were other reasons, too and I hope one day I stop crying for those other reasons.
Monday morning as we were leaving, my son mentioned the fern again. It was due that day. I ended up speeding angrily away when I reminded my son's father about the fern and it was obvious that he didn't remember it either.
I scolded my son in the car for not reminding us earlier and not clearly explaining what he wanted the fern for. He quietly said he did and didn't say anymore. I saw his nose slightly turn red and I knew he was fighting back his tears. He pretended cleaning his glasses and I felt so bad then but didn't say anything. Maybe I should have said sorry but I was fighting back my tears too.
After dropping him off at school, I cried all the way to work. Well, there were other reasons, too and I hope one day I stop crying for those other reasons.
When I got to the office parking lot, I sent a text message to his father to buy the fern and that we've often been neglecting our son's needs. When I got to my office, I got a call from his father saying he would buy the fern and bring it to school. Idon't know what my son's reaction was when his father brought the fern to school but I'm sure he must have been happy. He was already asleep when I got home in the evening. I bet if I ask him in the morning, he'd say he was supposed to plant it and not buy it complete with a flower pot :)
Sometimes I could really be so self-centered and not realize I'm neglecting others around me. Though I often feel that I work more than I should for everyone else and not myself, it doesn't give me an excuse for not doing my duty as a parent or assume their father would do it.
I should remind myself that it isn't all just about earning money and providing my family with material things. It's so much more about being there when the children need their parents.
So now I'm alone here at the living room and cying so much again, hardly able to see the keys as I type. Well, I can be emotional at times.... but that's me.
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