On Parenting...

I'm probably just sentimental and restless the last few days. But today made me think about how good or bad I am as a parent.

I was out on Saturday to watch a movie with a friend who I know had been troubled and problematic lately. My kids stayed home. I can't recall when the last time we watched a movie in a theater as a family. It must have happened only once or twice and years ago when they were much younger.

Today, the kids' father went out with his friends to go to a party. Though he came home early, the kids and I stayed home. I brought them food from a good Chinese Restaurant after I went to church alone and we ate together. I somehow envy one of my Unit Heads at the office whenever she talks about going out every weekend for a family activity. It has been some time since we've done the same thing as a family.

We haven't been going to church together for some time either and to me that isn't such a good sign. My daughter especially only goes to church when she's in the mood for it, and usually when she knows we'd go to the mall afterwards.

We didn't get to go to the yearly family outing with relatives from the kids' paternal side, which is about the only family activity we get to have. There was supposed to be a system conversion for one of our overseas branches that weekend and I couldn't go. Though I told them to go without me, my daughter didn't want to unless we all went. So everyone stayed home.

These family outings are not what I've ever particularly enjoyed but the kids do, so I just quietly join in their fun until it's over. Except for one occasion, all these family outing activities somehow always tired me and made me uncomfortable. I wanted a real quiet family vacation where I didnt have to worry about cooking for more than 20 people or having to share a bed with several others in a room.

I have not been very expressive to my kids, neither is their father. I somehow lost that over the years and I can see how it has affected them. They are not expressive either. Though my daughter can be sweet at times when she wants to be, I can also see how hard and tough she can be...even tougher than her brothers.

My eldest is a bit aloof, but maybe more because of his learning difficulty which fortunately has improved and he now attends regular classes. His mouth quirks on the rare times I ask him for a kiss and I never get one.

My second son is the sweetest, but oh how he can test and challenge one's patience before he finally does what you tell him. I would think that the successive "whys" would be for kids 5 to 10, but nooo, at 15, he still does it and with all the reasons he can think of to question what you tell him. It's amusing at times though, but mostly not.

I know things are far from perfect, I am certainly no ideal parent that I've always imagined one to be. And I'm hoping that any decisions I make soon will somehow be for the better...

A Call for Help...

Months back I wrote about a woman who I saw sitting at the pavement of the Main Highway's flyover that I pass through everyday. Yesterday, I saw a man doing this again...waiting for cars to stop to give him some food or money. Less than 50 meters away, another woman also was doing the same thing. She looked like the woman I saw months back. The black and gray checkered skirt she wore looked familiar.

There was a typhoon and there were strong intermittent winds and rains throughout the day. It again made me wonder why they were begging there and if people really stopped on the highway to help them. It stressed me that they risked getting ran over by vehicles for a few coins. I didn't see any vehicle stop to help them. I asked myself how they got there without any wheelchair or any support they can use to get them there. They could have gone to a shelter instead. They could get help there, maybe even be taught how to earn income and support themselves without begging.

The strong typhoon displaced so many people in low-lying areas. The World Vision has been soliciting help from donors for many flood victims in Asia. Some 30 million in South Asia have been affected by the floods from monsoon rains and typhoons. There's now a danger of epidemics starting due to lack of clean and potable water and poor sanitation.

The Charity Navigator has tips on how to give donations. Please check it out. Every little bit helps....even prayers.

On Relationships...

I guess I stirred a lot of female friends' emotions a bit when I wrote about this. But I wanted to write about it because it too affected me somehow.

It was a bit surprising,even shocking to find out a male friend's view on love when we talked about his relationships with women.

He can love them all to the same degree??? but still not be committed enough to them...universal love he said. It's hard to describe, but the thought always disturbs me, especially when there are women who can actually settle for such an arrangement... going out with the same man, knowingly aware that they are "sharing" him in everything. But apparently, there are such women. At least he is forthright and honest in letting the women know he was seeing them all and having a relationship with them, all at the same time.

It makes me wonder though what kind of upbringing or environmental exposure he had to have such an attitude about relationships. To me it's a sign of the man playing safe...the more women you have, the less emotionally involved you are with them. And if there are women who can accept things that way, I guess most men wouldn't even turn that arrangement down at all.

I'm sure he's still just enjoying his bachelor days. But as I've more than once told him, when he meets the right one one day, he will have to fight for her...because she may totally not share in his beliefs. And I think he knows that only too well. That will all change when he finally meets the woman he wants to share his life with.

He's my friend and I'll always wish him the best, however warped or maybe unemotional his actions on women are. In the first place, it's the woman's choice to accept such an arrangement.

I can't imagine myself ever compromising that way. I'm a woman. I know how the other women will feel. Where emotional and physical intimacy come into play, to me there always has to be a level of commitment. I am just too emotional and sentimental not to get hurt in such a relationship.

Unfortunately, even with commitment, relationships still don't always work out. Sometimes we just have to move on, and it's always the first step that's so hard to take...

A Challenge of our Time...

Today I read about child prostitution when I visited Matt's Blog. Human exploitation has always affected me. I have written a few about them myself in this blog. I still can't fathom how people can be so inhuman and treat others without compassion or regard of human feelings or their well-being.

An international Christian organization called ZOE Children’s Homes was launched to proactively rescue children who are at risk of being sold into human slavery and/or child prostitution. Their first goal is to provide a loving and safe atmosphere. They then educate, motivate and model servant leader principles.

We can do our share to help stop human exploitation. For details, please read Matt's blog on Challenge of our Time. There are several other great topics you can read over at his blog.

Another Super Typhoon

There's a 170kph-strong super typhoon coming by tomorrow. But this morning the rains were already strong and several areas were flooded. The kids were sent home.

By afternoon I was worried. They said the main highway is flooded so I decided to just stay late at the office until the rains stopped and the flood subsided. By 8pm I was told to rush home while there was a lull. I was home earlier than usual.

Tomorrow will be worse. The typhoon is expected to be here. Classes in all levels have already been suspended but I have to go to work. I hope it won't be another storm like last year where small branches from trees hit my car windows and sacks of garbage from dunp trucks were strewn all over the highway.

The cool weather is nice though...

Free Hugs Anyone?

This is a wonderful story of how the Free Hugs Campaign all started. If everyone does this, there may not be much fighting around us....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4

It Wasn't As Bad...

Yesterday at noon, one of my unit heads sent a text message asking that I talk to his staff before the meeting on the promotion. He suspected that she already knew her promotion didn't get through.

After I came back from lunchbreak, another unit head said that another staff who was recommended for promotion approached her almost crying that she was able to verify from a source that her promotion didn't get through.

So I decided to send a message to my boss if we could have the meeting a day earlier as scheduled. Before the meeting, I started talking privately to those who didn't make the promotion.

The first one cried. This was the third time her promotion didnt get through. She's one of those transferred to me from a disbanded division. And for HR to tell her that her paper got lost the last time didn't help. With the 5% quota requirement, she knew it was going to be tough to get the next promotion. What made her feel really bad is that she was among the last batch from the disbanded group due for promotion. Almost all the others with the same rank as hers got promoted.

The second one handled it pretty well. She knew we tried our best. Her paper got through up to the Committee level and was deliberated on. For some reason it still got rejected. Since the memo only said "not at this time," we had to verify the elimination process that was done. We suspected that her 3-level jump from Staff to Officer was a reason. Nothing was officially confirmed by HR. But then again, the fact that her paper was processed up to Committee level meant such kind of promotion was possible. It was in the policy. The Officer position she had been occupying for a year should have justified it. Anyway, she handled and accepted the news well. I saw her working as she did before I told her the news. That relieved me.

The third one also reacted well. He said he waited longer before for his first promotion, so he saw no reason to be griping now. Ohh and guess what, his source that his paper didn't get through was from the Office of the President!!! Now how confidential can that be??? Oh well, I guess he has the "right" friends.

The last and most difficult one I didn't get the chance to talk to. My boss was back and we had the group meeting. I was looking at the guy's reaction as my boss announced the names of those promoted. Two of those promoted were from his batch. I've been trying to justify his promotion, but I guess it just wasn't enough. And I certainly couldn't give him a higher rating than those who performed better than he did. Soooo, he has to work harder for it. But I still want to talk to him about his promotion. I'll do that today....

Breaking the News...

Today, the Global Operations Sector Head went around to announce promotions. I was supposed to have 8 people due for promotion, 2 were from another division which I absorbed after it was disbanded last May. The announcement at my division didn't push through since almost everyone attended aTraining session on enhancements of the new system.

The 5% per group quota was strictly imposed this time. This meant that from our group of about 60 people, only 3 will get promoted. 2 of the 3 who made it were from my division and both are officer-level. A third one was an exception since she completed the Junior Executive Development Program training which automatically qualified her for officer level.

Now the hard part....telling the others who didn't make it. My boss and I agreed to hold a group meeting this Friday to make the announcement before talking individually to those who didn't make it. My people had been working doubly hard since the acquisition of the new system. They went beyond their regular functions. But it seems these weren't enough to get them promoted. The 5% quota had to be followed and they were eliminated by ranking, rating and whatever criteria that trimmed their number down to the 5% quota. It doesn't seem fair but it's the way it is.

An even harder part is that I now have a backlog of people due for promotion. There were 2 or 3 other people lined up for the next batch. Now I have to do a process of elimination..only the best of the best.

I can only hope that the news won't dampen the spirits of those who weren't promoted nor affect their performance. But I guess that's expected....

Lack of Blogging....

I've been so busy lately with our system conversion so I won't be able to blog regularly for quite a while.

I'm missing you guys though...will be back soon (I hope).

They're Off...

They're off... 2 of my staff left for Singapore and Hongkong yesterday for at least a month's stay to train and assist our overseas people convert to the new Corebanking system. It was 2 weeks of stressful preparations. Passport and visa applications, presentation materials, etc.

As an added stress to my staff who's in Hongkong, our Executive Vice President for Global Operations is also in Hongkong until Monday and wanted to meet with my staff and the employees there today, SUNDAY. Knowing him, he'll be very inquisitve and will want to know details of the training and all. That's understandable. In his place I'd want to do the same just as I had wanted to see my staff rehearse their presentation before leaving, but there just wasn't enough time.

They're good. They topped the test for the overseas project and they were always in the middle of all the conversions since the first overseas office was converted last April. They'll do well.

It gets doubly hard though when you have other people and units wishing you or your group to fail in what is supposed be a company project just because their group is not taking the lead in it.

I've always been aware of the corporate jungle. I was just not high enough then to feel it nor give a damn about it. But now I'm in the middle management with at least 26 people to manage and the whole company to support when it comes to setting up the system's global parameters and using the new system. I can feel the pressure from all sides, resistance from some to help facilitate things. At times I have to go to the group head to get things done FAST...that's fine if they want to play it that way.

Being technically a newbie in the company doesn't help...just under 5 years...and that matters to a lot of oldies here. Many old timers probably feel they should be in my place. That also explains why there's a lot of resistance to change. They've been so used to the old ways and taking their time to do things. That's not my style nor my boss', nor most of those in his level now. For me an e-mail is approval enough coming from the right authority. To some, only the hard copy will do, ugh...and for an IT person to require that... tsk tsk.

At this point, I don't really care what they think. As long as things get done, they can think and say what they want. They don't move..I elevate to the next superior...that simple....that's how it goes. Things WILL get done no matter how much delay or pinpointing happens....Change is inevitable.

My other staff will be leaving for New York in mid-July. She still has to get her visa. Maybe I will follow in August...but it all depends on the status of events on the two overseas offices' conversion and finalization of the requirements for domestic conversion which is pretty delayed now.