I was out on Saturday to watch a movie with a friend who I know had been troubled and problematic lately. My kids stayed home. I can't recall when the last time we watched a movie in a theater as a family. It must have happened only once or twice and years ago when they were much younger.
Today, the kids' father went out with his friends to go to a party. Though he came home early, the kids and I stayed home. I brought them food from a good Chinese Restaurant after I went to church alone and we ate together. I somehow envy one of my Unit Heads at the office whenever she talks about going out every weekend for a family activity. It has been some time since we've done the same thing as a family.
We haven't been going to church together for some time either and to me that isn't such a good sign. My daughter especially only goes to church when she's in the mood for it, and usually when she knows we'd go to the mall afterwards.
We didn't get to go to the yearly family outing with relatives from the kids' paternal side, which is about the only family activity we get to have. There was supposed to be a system conversion for one of our overseas branches that weekend and I couldn't go. Though I told them to go without me, my daughter didn't want to unless we all went. So everyone stayed home.
These family outings are not what I've ever particularly enjoyed but the kids do, so I just quietly join in their fun until it's over. Except for one occasion, all these family outing activities somehow always tired me and made me uncomfortable. I wanted a real quiet family vacation where I didnt have to worry about cooking for more than 20 people or having to share a bed with several others in a room.
I have not been very expressive to my kids, neither is their father. I somehow lost that over the years and I can see how it has affected them. They are not expressive either. Though my daughter can be sweet at times when she wants to be, I can also see how hard and tough she can be...even tougher than her brothers.
My eldest is a bit aloof, but maybe more because of his learning difficulty which fortunately has improved and he now attends regular classes. His mouth quirks on the rare times I ask him for a kiss and I never get one.
My second son is the sweetest, but oh how he can test and challenge one's patience before he finally does what you tell him. I would think that the successive "whys" would be for kids 5 to 10, but nooo, at 15, he still does it and with all the reasons he can think of to question what you tell him. It's amusing at times though, but mostly not.
I know things are far from perfect, I am certainly no ideal parent that I've always imagined one to be. And I'm hoping that any decisions I make soon will somehow be for the better...
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